If you are feeling hopeless and you do not know how you are going to get through the next ten minutes or the next day, this is for you. There is so much hope, even if you cannot feel it right now.
I want to share how I came from a place of severe hopelessness to genuinely enjoying life again. I want to talk about that journey and what I learned, especially during the holidays, when everything felt harder. It is not always going to be like this.
I’m now offering coaching sessions for those going through withdrawal. If you’d like someone to walk with you through this season, I would love to meet with you. My withdrawal was brutal. I know how dark it can get. I also know how real healing is. I’m now in a place of joy, health, and full life, and I want to support you on your way there.
👉 Go here to see my calendar and schedule a session
Christmas in the Depths of Anhedonia
I remember when I was in some of the worst of my withdrawal. It was Christmas. I was trying so hard to figure out what you are supposed to do at Christmas and how you are supposed to behave.
I could not get myself motivated to engage or enjoy anything. I felt like I was behind glass. None of it felt real. None of it felt like it was happening or that it mattered. It was severe anhedonia and hopelessness about my whole situation.
I was mechanically getting myself through the bare minimum of things, and it was very hard to get through any of it. Every moment felt heavy. It felt especially hard that it was a holiday and I was still in that state. I kept thinking about what holidays are supposed to feel like and how I should be feeling.
Why This Isn’t Your Fault
If you are feeling really bad this holiday, please know this is not your fault. This is a horrible thing that has happened to you. It is not your fault that you feel this bad during a holiday.
You may have painful holiday memories or guilt that you cannot fulfill what others expect of you right now. You are coming through a very real suffering. It is okay if you cannot do everything that is expected of you. Saying no and not showing up to everything is normal during withdrawal. It does not mean you will always feel this way.
Withdrawal is persistent and long, and because of that it is hard to believe anything will change. But it does change. Your brain heals. Even if you cannot see it happening, healing is taking place.
How Joy and Feeling Return
You may think this is the season of gift giving and joy, and you cannot experience any of it. You cannot feel joy, hope, gratitude, or even pleasure.
There was a time when I could not even taste food. The anhedonia was so severe that food felt like nothing but texture. Eating felt like swallowing sand.
And yet now, I naturally experience joy and hope again. Gratitude returned. The warm feelings of holidays came back. Being around people, making connections, enjoying holiday food, all of it became real again. It happened organically through healing.
That return of joy is part of healing. It may feel impossible right now if you are in a dark cave of anhedonia, depression, or anxiety. Withdrawal can mimic all of these things, along with sleeplessness and intense turmoil over relationships, finances, and life itself.
You may feel like the worst possible version of yourself. But this is only a season. It is not all that you are, and it is not all that your life will be.
Withdrawal is like a dark tunnel, but there is light ahead, and there is much more to your life beyond this.
Holding Hope When You Can’t Feel It
During my darkest times, I held onto my faith, even when I could not feel anything. I am a Christian, and I believed that God loved me even when I felt worthless, hopeless, or broken.
The Christian story of Christmas is that God entered a suffering world to bring healing and hope. During withdrawal, those ideas can feel distant and unreal. I held onto them as truths even when they felt empty.
Over time, I was able to experience that joy again. I reconnected with my faith and with God in a real and living way. Withdrawal deepened what truly mattered to me.
Even when I could not feel God, I was still able to draw closer. That has been life changing. God’s love didn't depend on my ability to feel it.
Looking Toward Future Holidays
This is not the end of the line. There is healing ahead, and there is more life waiting for you. Withdrawal itself can change you and transform you.
If this holiday season feels unbearable, please know it is not all there is. There will be other holidays where joy feels real again.
Hold onto hope. Do not despair. Healing is ahead, even if you cannot see it yet.